ஐயோ!

y u so liddat one 啊?

Recurrent dreams

I’m not quite sure when it all started, but I can trace this one dream back to at least 3 years from now. I can’t tell either how many times it’s been already ‘cos I don’t keep a dream journal every time I wake up and can recall my dreams. All I know is that it has happened often enough to grab my attention and make me wonder what it is all about. I mean, I don’t really believe that dreams have a meaning. Or perhaps I don’t buy that kind of rational explanations some people insist in trying to find.

The funny thing is that this dream has many variations. Almost all of them are about finals at either High School or college. People on them are usually random: sometimes, even if the dream takes part in my HS days, the ones on them are from college, same batch as me, but can be my juniors and seniors as well. A few times, they’re people who I’ve never studied with, but have met at some given point of my life, and can even be anonymous faces I don’t even recall having ever met.

What changes every time is the level of stress. In some of them, I feel very relaxed, like “Oh boy, I can’t believe I’m finally graduating from HS” thing or some situation I have under my control. Others, I’d say most of them, are quite stressful: I know shit about the course syllabus, or I show up for the exam and can’t answer any questions, can’t finish it on time and so on.

A pattern that has been quite frequent lately is not knowing if I have enough attendance to pass the course or having signed up for the course and not even knowing who the instructor is. And that is probably the only coherent part of it, where I make sense in the dream about how wrong it is.

Here is all I remember from my dream from last night:

I was studying at my Jr. High School gym in the afternoon the day before a History exam. My favourite uncle who died from cancer was also on it and offered me help with the exam, which I kindly declined saying that I was grown up enough to deal with it on my own. I see from inside my ex-FWB passing by, and he stops and we talk for a few minutes, he wishes me good luck and leaves. I soon realize I don’t know what chapters I have to prepare for the exam. Then I see some of my classmates studying and decide to go ask them. They were a girl from Jr High who used to spread rumours about me and a friend’s ex-GF from college. I was very surprised to see that it was only one chapter. In my textbook, there are some annotations in the index, which suggests that I’ve taken that course the year before and the final was like 3 or 4 chapters. It was a rather relaxed dream ‘cos it ended with me thinking that it’d be very easy. I was waiting for some friend to message me when we were going to meet to have dinner. At some point, I was about to tell him I wasn’t going anymore, but I told myself “Whatever, this exam is just easy-peasy. If I go home early, I can still ace it”. Then I start thinking: “Wait, do I have enough attendance to pass the course? Or have I already flunked the course?”. Then I realize I wasn’t even taking that course, ‘cos I was already taking a master’s. And then I woke up with our neighbour’s dog barking.

Perhaps keeping a dream journal for future comparison purposes isn’t bad at all. It might even be fun…